And Ecetera
by Ugasaiki
Summary: [Movieverse] After saving the world, the remaining Autobots can finally settle down in their new home and relax while they wait for their comrades. But first, they must learn the way of humanity in all its glory.


Some claim that first hand experience is much better than textbook knowledge. And for obvious reasons, the Autobots have been learning the way of our world through the world's biggest textbook: the Internet. However, now that the world is saved and all is well for the time being, they get to learn about this world first hand.

The battle scars they have now? It'll be nothing by the time humanity's done with them.

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File 001: Hell Hath no Fury

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Sarah Lennox was not at all pleased. She stood rigidly in the living room, arms crossed close to her chest, her lips set to a grim line, and a flaming glare of doom aimed right at the back of her husband's head.

Will Lennox, for his part, held up quite well for a man who didn't have much longer to live. He was a soldier after all. He probably would've even been able to keep a straight face to his death if Ironhide hadn't spoken up.

"Uh, Will? What role does this contraption play?"

The autobot didn't mean any insult and Will knew that, but it just wasn't helping the situation. The large topkick was kneeling out on the back porch, his lower half sticking out of the house like a sore thumb. His torso, arms and head fit through the giant sunroom window that they had put in the year before. Since the robot wasn't going to fit through the front door, they had to open up the window from the sunroom so that they could place the pile of junk inside to see if there was anything salvageable. For such an advanced sentient being, Ironhide, and the rest of the Autobots in general, was surprisingly slow at grasping humanity's way of doing things.

Ironhide just sat there stupidly, optics focused on the messy pile of tangled fabric and plastic that lay on the floor. He was a weapon's expert for Prime's sake. He could pull apart and put back together some of the most complicated machinery in the universe, why couldn't he figure out this simple and dull-looking mess?

Will pinched his nose, "A crib, Ironhide. It's a _crib_."

The topkick had the gall to look offended, "I understand the terminology, Will. I just don't comprehend what it does."

Will just stared at the giant robot, incredulous, "But I gave you the instructions!"

"These instructions," Ironhide said, disdain evident in his synthesized voice, "… do not seem to follow any logical code or pattern. My data processors have been overloaded trying to decipher them."

"That's what I keep trying to tell Sarah," Will muttered, glad that he wasn't the only one who couldn't figure out those stupid instructions. Sarah hadn't believed him before, but now he had proof. Solid proof. The instructions that come with cribs just don't make sense. If eon old super computers couldn't figure out that garble on those pages, then how could humans even begin to try?

"Yes. It's a crib," Sarah's voice low and succinct, spoke up from behind them. Will didn't want to turn around and look at the murder that was sure to be in her eyes. She continued in an even deadlier tone, "When you two decided to fool around in my garden even though Annabelle's crib was out there, you ran the risk of breaking it." Her eyes narrowed further, "Well congratulations. You broke it, so now you get to _fix it_."

"Okay, so he fell…" Will began cautiously.

"William Lennox." Oh god, she's using the full name. "Don't you dare try to blame this on Ironhide. You're a grown man and you should've known better."

If Ironhide wanted to say something, he didn't show it. The robot wisely kept his voice synthesizer offline.

Sarah glared at her husband for another few intense moments before she turned around to walk out of the room.

Will heard the faint footsteps and turned to watch her retreating figure. He debated on whether it was wise to ask where she was going. If he did ask, she might bite off his head for speaking out of turn, but if he didn't ask, he was just going to worry about her later. The once proud and brave soldier barely mustered up enough courage to get his vocal cords working, "Honey, Where are you going?" Funny how his voice sounded a bit higher than he was used to.

By now, Sarah had passed the foyer and was headed out the door. That was never a good sign. She called out as she paused on the front porch, "While you boys work on fixing Annabelle's crib, I'll be out in the mall doing some necessity shopping."

"Splurge" might have been a better word than "necessity". It certainly described what she was probably going to do better, but there really wasn't any arguing the point no matter how much Will wanted to, especially if he liked the whole "breathing" thing. Sarah popped her head back in, smiling sweetly as she added, "With the platinum credit card." And she disappeared again. The front door slammed with a resounding thud.

And that was when Captain William Lennox broke down and cried.

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Lesson #1 : The female of the species rules with an iron fist.

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-fin-


End file.
